The Newcastle United M.D has had a busy summer of shopping. Here he explains how, registered to the right mystery shoopping agency, a typically stress filled experience can instead be fun, productive and profitable.
•Changes to the system in recent years have lead to some people panicking, but I am from a school of philosophy that dictates one should never rush through purchases. In fact, I have even marked down till assistants for that very practice.
I had been charged with buying a breakfast to the value of £5.00, excluding the price of a hot drink which I was also required to sample, from Gosforth Asda during their busy morning period. The young lady behind the till put through my order without first confirming each item, as staff are required to in case of allergies or fussy preferences, and seemed more concerned with tending to the bags under her eyes than with acknowledging my presence (and if that done enough to hint at a heavy session the night beforehand, the overheard reference to “up all night being sick” surely confirmed it). I would love to name and shame her right here but, in a further affront, she was sans name badge. As I pointed out in the further comments section of the online feedback form: I was wearing mine; why wasn’t she wearing hers?
•Balance is everything. And in pursuit of balance things can something be sacrificed: that’s just the way of life. Like when I was asked to take a guest to the Pacific Bar Cafe in the city centre with their famously wonky tables. It wasn’t ideal having to ask a member of staff to stand by us as we ate with his foot wedged underneath the shorter leg, but in the long term interests of the table’s stability it was the best thing for everybody. Apart from the young gentleman himself, conceded. But he was amply rewarded with a toilet break- during which time a beer coaster was forced to suffice- and the staff themselves were given a generous six out of ten for their ‘helpfulness and overall demeanour’ (having lost some marks for smirking when I ordered a sex on the beach cocktail).
•Keep deadlines in mind. Submitting your findings after the twenty four hour cut off point is no good to anybody, and as well as details being naturally forgotten one may find oneself tempted to exaggerate or take liberties with the truth- overcompensating and reflecting their overall feeling for the place rather than reporting the bare facts, doing what some may refer to as ‘lying’. Strangely, this is something the agency is
particularly concerned about with me. I remember on one occasion they actually sent somebody to secretly monitor me as I in turn secretly monitored the level of service at the Apple Store in Eldon Square. It’s not long until a situation like that turns farcical, as you can probably imagine. For me it was when his recording equipment interfered with the iPod touch I was trying out- as he bent down to retrieve his dislodged lapel mic he inadvertently unplugged the Beats by Dre headphones we were sharing.
•Keep your feedback concise. In these days of palm piloted social networking it can feel like you’re the centre of your own customised universe, a constantly buzzing environment wherein friends, family and loved ones are at permanent hand to reinforce and validate. But when mystery shopping you have to drop the ego and you can’t value verbosity. For that reason I have set some very strict limits on my own online communication- nobody ever ‘likes’ my status updates on Facebook and my only followers on Twitter are mobile phone spam companies represented in their profile picture by Eastern European girls biting their little finger suggestively.
•Finally, as in any competitive industry, you have to remember that it’s dog eat dog out there. And sometimes to get ahead the dog eats dog food. That isn’t trite platitude. If I’m being asked to grade, say, Petwise on Elswick Road then I’m going to sample the wares. A lot of the others don’t, which is why I’m as well regarded as I am at this game.
Petwise always do well these days actually, always impressively prepared for my visits, almost as if they hear me coming before I get there. It's been a marked improvement, with their alertness on my last few visits in stark contrast to the chaos of my first and the saga of the chrome cat collar with affixed bell that they let me try on and that between us we’re yet to work out how to unfasten.
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