Things Sunderland fans will say this week and how you should reply.
We battered you in the first half.
You were perhaps more fluid than us in the first half and this, coupled with a home crowd who initially seemed up for it, probably made it feel as though we were creaking under pressure. I imagine this feeling was enhanced if you were actually in the stadium. Funny old places to watch games of football, stadiums- particularly if you’re not used to them. In the cold light of day, though, you created very little. In many ways your team gave a performance which reflected your support’s during the summer time: all bluster and energy, little substance. Certainly, you failed to capitalise on Larsson’s cheating, and as the half went on it was clear your team had ran out of ideas which neatly complemented our intelligent game plan. You seem a bright enough young fellow, even if this conversation did begin with you asking me which is the metro stop with all the trains in it, and I trust you won’t be swallowing your manager’s nonsense about “dominance”
We never heard a peep from your fans until you scored (they always try this one).
Can I first propose a realignment of priorities? Trying to gain an upper hand on an intangible and wholly subjective concept like a singing contest when others are attempting to analyse the game of football that has taken place is a little like judging an X Factor contestant on the quality of their back stage keepie-ups. Secondly, have you considered that, what with sound waves and acoustics and the person next to you tapping away on their annoyingly loud mobile phone keys, the Newcastle fans may have made a peep to which you were not immediately privy, given you were sat at the other end of the stadium surrounded by forty five thousand Sunderland fans? I was happy to eventually defer to you on your other argument - and yes, looking again, you’re right to say the colour of the cornflakes in your beard matches your tie- but I’m afraid I can’t let this one go unchallenged.
We have more class.
This, as I’m sure you’re aware deep down, is a laughable argument (and I don’t say that to imply anything about you personally, you strike me as the type that could get quite paranoid about that type of thing). On Saturday your fans cheered the award of a corner kick when Larsson got away with cheating, and then applauded Phil Bardsley off for attempting to break a better player’s leg. Meanwhile, study our captain’s reaction to the non-award of the penalty: a puffed out cheek, a call for calm, and an immediate intent to get back on with the game. As far as I can see this entire class idea comes from the fact that Niall Quinn talks in a soft Irish lilt during press appearances.
You just handled the occasion better.
Indeed we did: the occasion being a football match.
What hurts is that the Mags were so awful and still beat us. (They always try this one too.)
As a Sunderland supporter you are in the fortunate position of having seen your team defeated by Newcastle United teams of all shapes and sizes. With that has came a keenness to cast an eye on our relative weaknesses compared to years past. The problem with this is that- yes, don’t worry, I’ll tell you when it’s your stop- for all your post match arguments about our failings remain consistent, so too does the outcome of the match. This leaves any rumination from you on our team ring exceedingly hollow. Besides which, the best performance I’ve ever seen from Sunderland against Newcastle- the 3-2 in 2005- came from one of the country’s worst ever teams, which goes to show such judgements are pointless and mere distractions.
I’m glad- that result will paper over the cracks.
Well being that enough cracks papered over in a manner which leads to three points should see us safe from relegation, I fear Newcastle fans are rather stuck for a few years with papered over cracks. Still, as papered over cracks go it was a bit of a superb one, you have to admit. Lines about cracks being papered over is an attempt to not treat the derby game as an end, retroactively pretending to view it as a means. After months of giddy hysteria about the prospect of what you were going to do to us now you have added genuine class like Wes Brown and Craig Gardner to your squad, this is very poor, cowardly even, backtracking. Don’t try similar at the station- you’ll put someone’s eye out with your holdall.
No comments:
Post a Comment